When Inferiority Feels Painful — Before You Blame Yourself

Everyone around you seems to be doing fine, and only you feel left behind. Compared to that person, you have nothing — that's how it feels. When inferiority hurts, we doubt our very worth and keep blaming ourselves.

But rather than forcing feelings of inferiority away, it can be easier in the end to understand what they are and put a little distance between you and them. In this article, we'll talk — calmly — about how to face inferiority.

Inferiority hits hardest in people who hold an ideal

A sense of inferiority arises when you feel a gap between "who you are now" and "who you want to be." In other words, the more you hold an ideal or a desired self, the more sensitive you become to that gap, and the more prone you are to feeling inferior.

This is proof that you have a drive to grow. Someone who wants nothing doesn't agonize over falling short. Before judging your whole character with "I'm hopeless," try looking and asking, "what kind of self am I aiming for?" Then the wish behind the inferiority comes into view.

Swap the point of comparison from others to yourself

Inferiority swells mostly when we compare ourselves to others. And what we compare against is often "that person's very best part," cropped for social media — set against your everyday life, there's no way to win.

Stopping comparison itself is hard. That's exactly why you should try swapping the comparison to "who you were a little while ago." Something you can do a bit better than last month; a challenge you took on that you used to avoid. Turning to your own steps, rather than others who keep moving, quietly tones the inferiority down.

Write it out and get the inner voice outside your head

When inferiority hurts, a voice inside — "someone like me could never" — replays again and again. To stop this rumination, it helps to get that voice out of your head for a moment.

• Write who you compared yourself to and where you felt you fell short.
• Add the wish behind it: "I actually want to become this."
• Don't end it at "I'm hopeless" — separate the facts from the feelings and observe.

Yurusen is an app for quietly filing away this kind of inner stir. Note down the inferiority and haze you can't quite put into words in a ledger only you can read, and draw a soft line under it. You don't have to force the feeling away. Just set it outside yourself for now, so you don't collapse under its weight. Even that makes it far easier to breathe.

Look at what you've built, not what you lack

When inferiority is strong, people count only their "shortcomings." But the things you've kept up until today, the things you've overcome, are certainly there too.

At the end of the day, try noting down one thing — however small — that you managed. Rather than only filling in the gaps, turn to the accumulation already there. That shift of perspective helps you reclaim your own pace, no longer tossed around by inferiority.

For more on the mind's habit of comparing that makes us hurt, see also When Comparing Yourself to Others Hurts.