How to Face Being Worn Out by Your Own Quick Temper — Don't Blame the You Who Gets Angry

You get irritated at the smallest things. You snap back hard, then fall into self-loathing afterward. Little by little, you grow worn out by that "quick-tempered self" — many people are drained not so much by the anger itself as by their dislike of the self who gets angry.

In this article, we introduce, from a calm self-help view, a way to understand what's behind your quickness to anger and live with it a little more easily, rather than forcing yourself to correct it.

A quick temper isn't a matter of personality alone

When you're convinced "I'm a quick-tempered person," it weighs on you as something unchangeable. But quickness to anger isn't decided by personality alone; it's said to be greatly swayed by your state at the time as well.

Not enough sleep, keeping your guard up, no room in your heart — when such conditions pile up, the same event triggers a more oversensitive emotional reaction. In other words, being quick-tempered right now may be not a flaw in "you as a person," but a sign of "your current state." Just standing on this view eases the pressure of self-blame a little.

Don't blame the self who gets angry

One big reason for being worn out by a quick temper is the self-loathing after getting angry. The guilt of "I got angry again" wears down your feelings even more than the anger itself.

But anger is also a natural emotion that tries to protect you from danger and unfairness. Rather than blaming yourself for getting angry, try holding a caring view — "maybe I was tired today." Reducing the words with which you blame yourself is said to be, though it seems a detour, the shortcut to easing a quick temper.

Write out and observe your "patterns" of anger

When you write out and observe the tendency of what situations make you quick to anger, your distance from anger shifts a little. "When I feel treated lightly." "When my plans get disrupted." Once you see the patterns that keep recurring, anger changes its form from "an uncontrollable thing that wells up suddenly" into "a reaction with reasons."

The reason Yurusen offers the small step of "filing" someone or something you can't forgive into a ledger is exactly this — so you don't just hurl the emotion out, but set it down, for now, as a record. Gazing at the Wraith Codex and putting into words what kind of "pattern" is tormenting you can also be a small trigger for setting your feelings outside.

When the exhaustion lasts

When a quick temper and the fatigue it brings last for weeks, and you can't sleep or daily life is disrupted — don't carry it alone; consider consulting a professional such as a psychosomatic clinic or counselor. Ways to treat yourself with care are an important tool, but there is also distress too heavy to hold with that alone. Not overdoing it, and keeping somewhere to turn to, is also one way of protecting yourself.