How to Put Distance Between Yourself and Someone You Dislike
There's someone at work or close by you just can't stand. Even when you can't cut ties completely, there are ways to create physical and psychological distance. Gentle, non-assertive tips for reducing your own wear and tear — without forcing yourself to like them.
By Katsuki Mitsumori
Sometimes there's someone close by you simply can't come to like — at work, at school, among relatives. Your spirits sink each time you meet, and just thinking about them wears you out. At times like that, many people blame themselves: "I shouldn't dislike them," "I have to get along." But before forcing yourself to like them, adjusting the distance first makes the heart far lighter.
You don't have to erase the feeling of "dislike"
Emotions aren't something you can switch on and off by will, it's said. The more you try to force out a feeling of "dislike," the more it smolders below the surface and, in the end, tires you.
First, let yourself acknowledge it just as it is: "I'm not good with this person." Rather than judging your likes and dislikes, receive them as fact. What you can then change is not the emotion itself, but how you engage and the distance you keep.
Small ways to create physical distance
Within what's possible, reducing physical points of contact is said to be a useful handhold. Sit a little apart if you can choose your seat, shift your break time, avoid situations where you're alone together — without staging any grand confrontation, there are plenty of adjustments you can make within daily life.
If it's someone you're connected to on social media, just turning off notifications, muting, or setting things so their posts don't reach your eyes can quiet the heart considerably. It's not to attack them, but a gentle boundary — moving them slightly out of your field of view.
How to keep psychological distance
For people you can't fully get away from, being mindful of psychological distance is said to help. Limit conversation to necessary business, don't over-tune yourself to their moods, and don't take their words and actions too much as a "judgment of you."
A single remark from someone you dislike tends to sting more than it needs to. But that's a matter of "their side," and you can view it as separate from your own worth. When it just won't leave your head, one method is to write out the "things you couldn't say" to that person on paper or in an app, and set it outside for a while. The reason Yurusen offers the small step of "filing" someone into a ledger is exactly this — so you don't carry the emotion, but let it go as a record.
When the distress lasts
If keeping distance doesn't lift your mood, or you can't sleep for thinking about the person, and it continues for a long time, don't carry it alone. Talking to someone you trust, or consulting a professional such as a psychosomatic clinic or counselor, is also an important choice for protecting yourself. Keeping distance isn't running away — it's a way to recover some breathing room in your heart.
Related themes are also touched on in the wraith codex.
FAQ
Frequently asked questions
Q.Do I not have to force myself to like someone I dislike?
You don't need to force yourself to like them, it's said. Emotions are hard to control by will, and the more you deny a feeling of 'dislike,' the more painful it can become. A realistic approach is to leave your likes and dislikes as they are and adjust only how you engage and how much distance you keep.
Q.What about people I can't fully get away from, like at work?
When you can't create physical distance, being mindful of psychological distance is said to be a handhold. Limit contact to necessary work matters, step slightly outside the circle of small talk, and don't take their words and actions too much as a 'judgment of you' — these small boundaries ease the drain.
Q.Isn't distancing yourself just running away or being cold?
Keeping distance to protect yourself is considered neither running away nor being cold. You don't have to be close with everyone. If reducing contact restores some breathing room in your heart, it can, as a result, become easier to interact calmly.
About the author
Katsuki Mitsumori三森 捷暉
CEO, SURISUTA K.K. / Operator of Doya Marke AI
Runs Doya Marke AI, a suite of practical AI services spanning content, ads, sales and HR, and hosts the YouTube channel 'SaaS wa Shinimasshen.' Creator and developer of Yurusen, an app for filing the people you could never forgive into a private ledger of judgment.
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