The True Nature of Wanting Revenge — How to Channel It Safely

"I want the person who put me through that to feel the same thing." Some people feel a pang of guilt at catching themselves wishing this. But the feeling of wanting revenge, in itself, is by no means uniquely abnormal. In this article, we look at the true nature of that feeling without denying it, and introduce — without overstating — a path toward channeling it safely rather than acting on it.

The urge for revenge is a cry to "restore fairness"

When you've been deeply hurt, a sense that "this doesn't add up" and "it's unfair to leave it like this" arises in the heart. The wish for revenge is, in most cases, an earnest cry to restore that broken fairness with your own hands.

In other words, it is also proof that you were unjustly hurt. So first, try stopping the self-blame of "I'm terrible for thinking this." There's no good or evil in a feeling itself. The only thing that matters is how you handle it.

Why actual revenge won't save you

Even if the feeling that wells up is natural, acting on it is an entirely separate matter. An act that harms the other person can lead to you bearing legal responsibility yourself — assault, threats, defamation. You, the one who should have been protected, end up cast as the one causing harm.

And even if you could carry it out, your heart won't necessarily clear. What many accounts and studies suggest is that what remains after revenge is not the exhilaration you imagined, but rather a bad aftertaste, self-blame, and the emptiness of "I've spent even more of my life's time on that person." The other changes less than you thought, and only the wounded you is worn down a little more — the exit called revenge holds little relief.

Switch from "acting" to "channeling"

So where should this strong feeling be directed? The recommendation is to switch the energy from "hurling it at the other person" to "getting it out of yourself."

Keep replaying the scene of revenge in your head, and the feeling loses its outlet and swirls. Instead, try writing it out onto paper or into an app without holding back. Set the words down just as they are: "I was so bitter I honestly wanted to get back at them like this." Passing through the safe act of writing, the energy that was heading toward action gradually cools. The reason Yurusen offers the form of "filing" an unforgivable person into a ledger is exactly this — to catch the momentum as a record, not an act. Judgment can be passed within the ledger, not by your own hand.

When the distress is strong, don't carry it alone

If the wish for revenge is so strong it won't leave your head, and you can't sleep or it disrupts daily life, this isn't something to carry by endurance alone. Consider speaking with a professional such as a psychosomatic clinic or counselor, in a safe setting. Putting words to the "type" that has tormented you by browsing the Wraith Codex can also be a small trigger for stepping one pace back from the center of the swirl.