A Persistent Feeling of Emptiness. Writing to See the Hole in Your Heart

You're getting through everything you're supposed to do. Nothing especially painful has happened. And yet a sensation of a hole opened somewhere in your heart won't go away. Even doing the things you used to love, your heart doesn't stir the way it once did. At night, when you finish the day and pause for breath, all that quietly remains is the unanswerable question: "What am I even living for?"

A lasting feeling of emptiness doesn't mean you're weak, or spoiled. Emptiness is a natural emotion that visits every heart. The problem is that carrying it without understanding its nature slowly wears the heart down. This article covers how to write out and examine the hole that has opened in your heart, and when to consider reaching out if it drags on.

Where Does Emptiness Come From

Emptiness, surprisingly, tends to arrive after losing something or after reaching a turning point. Right after achieving a big goal, when a busy stretch calms down, when a change ends a role you played. When whatever had been driving you disappears, a blank space opens in the heart.

Also, when days pass in nothing but "getting through" tasks, it becomes hard to see what you actually feel and want. Falling in line with others and clearing what has to be done, your own feelings get left behind. That sense of being left behind can surface as emptiness.

What matters is not branding emptiness as "bad" and rushing to fill it. Emptiness can also be a signal, your heart quietly asking, "Is this really okay as it is?" You can start simply by listening to that voice.

Before Filling It With Stimulation, Write and Look

When we feel empty, we tend to try to fill it with something. Shopping, overeating, scrolling social media forever, packing the schedule. But even if such stimulation distracts you for a moment, the root of the emptiness remains, and it's not rare to feel it more strongly afterward.

Before rushing to fill it, here's what I'd suggest: write out and examine what you feel empty about right now. Things whose nature we can't grasp loom large and tend to push us around. But give them an outline in words and they become surprisingly easier to handle.

Hints for Facing the Void

When you examine the emptiness, try writing with questions like these as your guide. Even if no answer comes, there's meaning in the writing itself.

• What times of day or situations do you feel empty in most
• What used to stir your heart but no longer does
• Is there something you truly want to do but have given up on
• Is there a real feeling you can't voice, to someone or to yourself

The act of putting painful emotions into writing has been studied in psychology and is known to help settle the mind and deepen self-understanding. As you write, a small realization may arrive: "So this was what was missing." That becomes a clue toward filling the hole.

Even if no answer comes right away, there's no need to rush. Facing emptiness is the quiet work of reclaiming your own true feelings. Rather than trying to settle it all at once, continue a little at a time on the days you can write.

When the Emptiness Drags On

If, alongside emptiness, low mood, listlessness, sleeplessness, or an inability to enjoy anything lasts more than two weeks and interferes with daily life, please don't carry it alone. That may be a signal your heart needs rest and care.

You can use a psychosomatic or psychiatric clinic, or a local counseling service. There's no need to hesitate over "is this really enough to reach out for." Putting your feelings into words and telling someone protects you far more than continuing to endure.

Emptiness is also proof that you aren't neglecting your heart, that you're trying to live with care. Rather than forcing the hole shut, let's face it little by little, starting with writing it out and looking.

References

• James W. Pennebaker, Opening Up by Writing It Down — research showing that expressive writing, putting painful experiences and feelings into words, supports mental and physical health and deeper self-understanding.