For the Worrier Who's Always Exhausted: How to Write Your Worries Down and Let Them Go

Nothing has actually happened, yet: "did that message get read the wrong way?" "did I forget something for tomorrow?" "is that person angry at me?" One worry after another surfaces, and you keep turning over questions you have no way of answering. By the end of the day, you're worn out even though you did nothing. For a worrier, isn't this a familiar scene?

The tricky part is that worrying itself doesn't move your work or your actions forward. If anything, you exhaust yourself running ahead, so there's no strength left when it matters. This article isn't about forcing your worrying to disappear — it's a practice for writing your worries down and putting a little distance between you and them.

Why worriers end up so tired

Worriers wear out easily because they live out an unhappened future in their heads, again and again, ahead of time. The brain is built to predict danger and prepare for it — originally an important function for protecting you. But when that function is too sensitive, it reacts even to things that haven't happened, making your body feel a tension close to the real thing, over and over.

Worried thinking also has a particular feature: reassurance never lasts long. One worry clears, and the next one wells up right away. Turning unanswerable questions over in your head — sometimes called rumination — is considered one reason worry drags on. That's exactly why "if I just think it through more carefully, I'll feel safe" rarely leads to an exit.

What matters is not blaming your worrying as a weakness or a flaw. It's the flip side of being careful and attuned to others' feelings. Changing how you relate to it is more realistic than trying to erase it.

The practice: write worries "outside your head"

Worries circle in your head because they drift with nowhere to go. That's where a simple practice helps: write the worry down, as it is, onto paper or a screen.

1. Write the worry down, exactly as it surfaces

"They might have thought that was strange," "I might fail" — write down whatever surfaces, without minding order or polish. The trick is not trying to tidy it up. As you write, an outline can emerge: "what I actually care about is being judged." Once it has an outline, it's a little easier to handle than a nameless dread.

2. Separate "what I can do now" from "what I can't"

Look at what you've written and gently split it into what you can act on now, and what there's no point in dwelling on. The weather, other people's feelings, a future that hasn't arrived — no amount of thinking will move them. Just labeling something "no point dwelling on this" makes it easier to stop turning it over.

3. Once you've written it, close it

The most important thing in this practice is not trying to solve it. If you start working out "what should I do" while writing, the rumination starts up again. Today, write it and set it outside — end it there. There's no need to re-read and reflect.

"Making a place for it" beats "trying not to think"

A worrier's go-to move is often "I'll just try not to think about it." Yet the more you try not to think of something, the more it tends to lodge in your head — the very effort of holding it down keeps it in mind.

So flip the approach: instead of erasing the worry, make a place to put it. It circles because it's left sitting inside your head, catching your eye again and again. Write it out and set it outside, and it becomes a little easier to loosen your grip: "it's in a place I can look at later, so I don't have to hold it now." A place to jot worries down is like a temporary shelf outside your head.

When the strain lasts, don't carry it alone

The practice here is everyday self-care. When strong, lasting worry or tension keeps you from sleeping, takes your appetite, or disrupts your work and life, or you have repeated palpitations or shortness of breath, it's generally considered a sign to talk to a professional such as a doctor or mental health specialist without toughing it out. Serious, conscientious people are especially prone to carrying worry alone. If self-care feels like more than you can hold, borrow a professional's help early.

Venting as a "curse" is allowed, too

Rephrase the worry into something positive, tell yourself it'll be fine — some days those routines just don't fit. Being told "you're overthinking it" when you're already worn out can make it harder.

Noroi Nikki is an app for those days. We built it as a place where you can let the circling worry and frustration out as "curses," exactly as they are — no need to dress them up. What you write is seen by no one and stays only within you. Put today's worry into words tonight and set it outside your head.

References

• James W. Pennebaker, Opening Up: The Healing Power of Expressing Emotions (Guilford Press, 1997). A foundational body of research on the effects of writing out emotions and concerns, known as expressive writing.