Why Life Feels So Hard: Sorting the Causes to Feel a Little Lighter

Everyone around you seems to manage well, and only you feel somehow out of step. You tire even when you're with people, and left alone you feel left behind. You can't state a clear reason, yet the sense that "life is hard" follows you everywhere. This vague pain, with its cause out of sight, weighs all the more heavily.

The reason the difficulty feels so hard to grasp is that its cause is not one thing but many, layered together. This article shows how to write out what lies behind it, sort it, and feel a little lighter without blaming yourself too much.

Life's difficulty is many causes overlapping

Difficulty in living is not born of a single cause. Innate temperament and strong sensitivity, the environment you grew up in and past experiences, your current workplace and relationships, your physical condition and how much slack you have on a given day — many such factors fold over one another to create the sense that "somehow it's just hard."

While the cause feels like a single black lump, there's no way to respond to it. That's exactly why untangling the layered factors one at a time becomes the starting point for feeling lighter.

Write out the hard scenes and separate the causes

Vague difficulty feels larger than it is while its true form stays hidden. So try writing out the concrete scenes where you felt "life is hard." "I wore myself out at a big drinking party." "I couldn't refuse a request and took it on." "I fretted too much over someone's mood." Take out each scene and what you felt in it, one at a time.

Written out and lined up, the common threads where difficulty tends to arise come into view. Are crowded places hard for you? Is refusing frightening? Do you mind evaluation too much? Just having the true form split into a few tendencies gives your blind anxiety something to hold onto.

The cause isn't only "your flaws"

The more people feel life is hard, the more they trace the cause entirely inward: "it's because I'm weak," "it's because there's something wrong with my character." In reality, though, an ill-fitting environment or a relationship that forces strain on you is often part of the background.

When you review the scenes you wrote, try separating "this is my tendency" from "this is the environment's or the other person's problem." You don't have to hold it all as your own flaw. What can change is not only how you take things, but also where you place yourself and how you keep your distance. Letting go of even one thing you'd blamed yourself for lets you breathe a little easier.

When the difficulty is strong, don't carry it alone

Difficulty in living is something many people feel, but when it piles up and grows strong enough that you feel like disappearing or vanishing, please don't shoulder it alone. A professional such as a psychosomatic clinic, or a support line, can help. In Japan, the Yorisoi Hotline (0120-279-338) and Inochi no Denwa are available.

Writing "this is hard," just as it is, in a place no one else sees, can be a small step before asking for that help. There's no need to wrap it up positively or to pin down the cause. As you simply let it out, the outline of the difficulty gradually appears, and the weight you carry grows lighter.

Related: When Being Sensitive Makes Life Hard: Writing Your Feelings to Feel Lighter, Without Self-Blame