You Want to Quit but Can't Say It — Write the Truth Out and Clear Your Head

Sunday night, the moment you picture next week's schedule, your stomach goes heavy. You've thought "I want to quit" so many times, yet the instant your boss's face comes to mind, you can't bring it up. Worse, you no longer even know yourself whether you truly want to leave, or whether this is just temporarily hard right now — wanting to quit but being unable to say it wears the days down with no decision reached.

The real substance of this pain is that "the urge to quit," "the fear of raising it," and "the doubt about whether it's right" have fused into one lump in your head. Tangled together, no answer emerges. This article covers how to write them out to untangle them and get closer to your own truth.

First, write out "what exactly you dislike," separated

Inside the feeling of "I want to quit," several different elements are actually mixed together. Is the work itself a bad fit? Is it a specific boss or the relationships? Is it the hours or the pay? Or is it anxiety about not seeing a future?

As long as you feel these lumped together as "I want to quit," there's nothing to address. So write out everything you dislike onto paper or a screen, as it comes. Then mark each one: "this won't be solved unless I leave," or "this might change with a transfer or a conversation."

You may find you don't want to "quit the company" so much as "just get away from the relationships in this department" — or, conversely, that "no matter how much I change the environment, this work itself doesn't suit me" comes into sharp focus. Once you know what you truly want to let go of, the next step is easier to choose.

Line up "reasons to quit" and "reasons to stay"

What usually dulls the decision to leave is a tug-of-war with the "reasons to stay." Stable income, a familiar environment, the career you've built. These are important, but while they sit only in your head, they tend to feel bigger than they are.

Try writing out "reasons to quit" and "reasons to stay" side by side, left and right. Made visible, what you fear and what you can't bring yourself to give up come into view. If the substance of "I want to quit" is pay or relationships, a job change or transfer might solve it. If every "reason to stay" is anxiety or inertia, it may not be a choice made from the heart.

Write out the true shape of "can't bring it up"

Even once you've decided to leave, the wall of not being able to raise it with your boss remains. Most of this "can't say it" is anxiety about things that haven't happened — what if they talk me out of it, I feel bad for the trouble, they might get angry.

Here too, writing out the worry and splitting fact from imagination helps. "My boss will surely be angry" is imagination; what actually happens, you don't know. Getting the worst-case scenario in your head onto paper lets you notice how much it was binding you beyond what's warranted.

Also, a resignation can be conveyed not only verbally but in writing (a resignation letter). Just knowing your options for how to convey it lightens the pressure of "can't bring it up" a little.

Guilt gets in the way of the decision

The more conscientious you are, the more guilt stalls you — "quitting now burdens the workplace," "after all they invested in me." That feeling is natural, but quitting is a legitimate right granted to a worker, and choosing your own life is not a betrayal of anyone.

Don't deny the guilt itself; write down "I feel bad about it" and set it outside you. Getting the feeling out helps you recover the calm a decision needs. A judgment made while swallowed by guilt usually leads to regret.

If you're at your limit, rest before you think

So far this has been about "thinking it over carefully and sorting it out." But if you can't sleep, can't get up in the morning, or your health is suffering, and that continues — that's a different matter.

Once your health is harmed, calm judgment itself becomes hard. Prioritize resting first, and turning to a clinic or support line if needed. Thinking about "should I quit" can wait until your body and mind recover a little. Not pushing yourself past your limit matters most of all.

Where no one can see, let the truth out first

The truth of wanting to quit can't be said to coworkers, worries family if you tell them, and tends to get dressed up when you speak to a recruiter. In the end, the raw feeling you most want to sort keeps sitting in your head with nowhere to go.

Noroi Nikki was built as a place to set that raw truth down as it is. No need to wrap it up positively, no need to reach a conclusion. "I'm at my limit." "But I'm scared." As you write it out, contradictions and all, what you truly want gradually takes shape. Before the decision, try holding some time to simply empty your head.

References

• Pennebaker, J. W. (1997). Writing about emotional experiences as a therapeutic process. Psychological Science, 8(3), 162–166. A landmark study showing that putting emotionally charged experiences into written words is linked to reduced psychological strain.