Getting Hurt Easily by Small Things: Writing Out the Pain to See It Objectively

A colleague's offhand remark stays stuck in your head all the way home. A curt reply from a friend sets your chest churning — did they come to dislike you? Just seeing a slight change in someone's expression makes you anxious that you must have done something. Over small things no one else even registers, you alone get deeply hurt and drag it on and on. Haven't you grown tired of a self like that?

Getting hurt easily by small things comes from taking things in deeply and sensing others' words and expressions with subtlety. It isn't being thin-skinned, and it isn't an overreaction. In this article we'll gently unpack how being easily hurt works, and share how to write out the pain, see it objectively, and gain a little distance.

Why small things hurt so deeply

People with rich sensitivity tend to take in even the fine nuances of others' words and expressions deeply. The small barb within a remark most people tune out, the shortness of a reply, a faint coldness in the voice — you catch these subtle signals sensitively, and process their meaning carefully in your head, over and over.

On top of that, the rumination afterward prolongs the pain. "The way they said that — maybe they really do dislike me." "Was I in the wrong?" Each time you replay the same scene in your head, the wound stays raw and comes to feel ever deeper.

So being easily hurt isn't weakness — it's the result of a power to take things in deeply overlapping with a power to think things through carefully. That power is also the kindness that can attune to others' pain.

Write out the hurt, and view it from outside

Inside rumination, pain swells beyond its actual size. That's exactly why it helps to write out the hurt feelings and view them from outside.

Try writing the event that hurt you, just as it was. "That remark from so-and-so hurt." "That curt reply stung." Then honestly add what you felt at the time. The moment what was spinning in your head becomes words, you get to stand a step back from the event.

Viewed from outside, another reading sometimes surfaces: "Maybe they were just busy." "Maybe there was no deeper meaning." You write not to erase the wound, but to return the wound to its actual size.

Start by admitting "that hurt"

The more easily hurt you are, the more you tend to deny the pain itself: "How pathetic, getting hurt over something like this." But pretending not to feel the wound doesn't make the feeling vanish — it loses its way out and sinks to the bottom of your heart.

First, let yourself admit, just as it is, "that remark hurt me." Writing suits this work of "admitting" perfectly. In a place no one can see, you can write "it hurt," "I was sad," "it was frustrating," without dressing it up. Admitting your own pain, yourself, is considered the first step toward healing.

Getting along with your sensitivity, little by little

Keep up the habit of writing to gain objectivity, and it becomes clear what situations tend to hurt you. Others' offhand assessments, delayed replies, being compared. Once you know your own tender points, even when you're hurt you can take it in a bit more calmly — "ah, this pattern again."

You don't need to reduce your sensitivity to zero. Stay the you who can feel deeply, and have a way not to dwell too long after being hurt. This habit of writing to gain distance becomes the support that protects your delicate heart.

When the distress continues

If low spirits last a long time and you can't sleep, can't focus on anything, or it disrupts daily life, it's generally considered a sign to talk to a professional such as a doctor or mental health specialist without toughing it out. The more easily hurt you are, the more you tend to carry the pain alone. The methods here are everyday self-care and not a substitute for medical judgment. If it feels like more than you can hold, borrow a professional's help early.

Venting the pain as a "curse" is allowed too

Trying to tidily reword the hurt into "they meant no harm" leaves the pain with nowhere to go. There's no need to force forgiveness or to "be the bigger person."

Noroi Nikki is an app for those who are easily hurt. We built it as a place where you can vent just how much that remark hurt, exactly as it is, in the form of "curses." What you write is seen by no one and stays only within you. The more deeply a small thing hurt you, the more you deserve to give yourself a little time, at the end, to get that pain out.

References

• James W. Pennebaker, Opening Up: The Healing Power of Expressing Emotions (Guilford Press, 1997). A foundational body of research on the effects of writing out hurt feelings, known as expressive writing.